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February 2009
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Phelps: You’re a Jackass, But You Still Got Screwed

So let’s see – half the professional sports world gets Christmas cards from Balco, the governing body that oversees the Olympics is notoriously scandalous and tainted by corruption, and yet one pic that would be considered tame by modern MySpace standards hits the tabloids…  and one of the greatest American athletes of our time gets suspended and his entire career is now  in question?

This shit isn’t supposed to happen with a black President! (No, not because all black people smoke pot. At least we don’t think that’s true… Anyone ever hit a spliff with Michael Steele?)

Besides, do you know how fucking impressive it is to toke such a heavy bong-load and still have the motivation to win 8 gold? And not even be the slightest bit paranoid about walking around in Speedos?

Still, Michael Phelps is a jackass.

But, that said, Team USA seems to be performing a collective cranial self-colonoscopy here. Why don’t you just hand the boy citizenship papers for the Netherlands? Prepare to be crushed by the new ‘swimming dutchmen’ in 2012, you toolboxes.

4 comments to Phelps: You’re a Jackass, But You Still Got Screwed

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