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March 2009
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“Engineering” a Sweet Party – Here’s Who’s Celebrating Obama’s Stem Cell Research Ban Reversal

Obstructing important research makes me so ANGRY!

Obstructing important research makes me so ANGRY!

WBR was founded on the idea that there is no higher form of journalism than a list, preferably a list in which at least half of the items are totally made up. It’s a time-held tradition started by Harper’s and carried on today by every site on the Internet.

So, we, your devoted digital whores, are here to give you what you want. Here’s a list of the folks that are totally thrilled that President Obama reversed the Bush administration’s ban on stem cell research – that nasty bit of science that can save lives and make our worst sci-fi nightmares come true. We think it has something to do with computers and the internets but we can’t prove it.

Obama’s Stem Cell Soiree Invite List:

  • Michael J. Fox
  • Marty McFly (liked him better – not as shaky as the real deal…)
  • President of the Muscular Dystrophy Association
  • Jerry Lewis’ Bones accompanied by all the hours of sleep he stole from us through his skillfull use of celebrity appearances and guilt.
  • Walt Disney - in the flesh, bitch!
  • Dick Clark- We couldn’t decide if this was heartless or not – in the end, it didn’t make us feel dirty enough to leave off.
  • David Banner
  • X-Men
  • Men who want to be in X-rated movies at any cost
  • Elliot Spitzer – Cloned call girls can be made to disappear much more easily.
  • A – Rod – apparently MLB has no specific ban on the use of stem cells from bear semen.
  • Dolly the Sheep – Endless lamb chops! It’s like Jesus got ahold of the mutton after the fish and loaves trick.
  • Rush Limbaugh – Surprise! Dittoheads were human cloning’s first victory. Also supports advances to have Percocet permanently implanted in his DNA.
  • Nadya (Octumom) Suleman – Soon we’ll be subsidizing numers 17 – 92 – straight out of the petri dish.
  • Wrecking Ball Report staff – See Elliot Spitzer above.

Obama reverses Bush stem cell restrictions

5 comments to “Engineering” a Sweet Party – Here’s Who’s Celebrating Obama’s Stem Cell Research Ban Reversal

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