WreckingBallReport.com

Obstructing important research makes me so ANGRY!

WBR was founded on the idea that there is no higher form of journalism than a list, preferably a list in which at least half of the items are totally made up. It’s a time-held tradition started by Harper’s and carried on today by every site on the Internet.

So, we, your devoted digital whores, are here to give you what you want. Here’s a list of the folks that are totally thrilled that President Obama reversed the Bush administration’s ban on stem cell research – that nasty bit of science that can save lives and make our worst sci-fi nightmares come true. We think it has something to do with computers and the internets but we can’t prove it.

Obama’s Stem Cell Soiree Invite List:

• Michael J. Fox
• Marty McFly (liked him better – not as shaky as the real deal…)
• President of the Muscular Dystrophy Association
• Jerry Lewis’ Bones accompanied by all the hours of sleep he stole from us through his skillfull use of celebrity appearances and guilt.
• Walt Disney - in the flesh, bitch!
• Dick Clark- We couldn’t decide if this was heartless or not – in the end, it didn’t make us feel dirty enough to leave off.
• David Banner
• X-Men
• Men who want to be in X-rated movies at any cost
• Elliot Spitzer – Cloned call girls can be made to disappear much more easily.
• A – Rod – apparently MLB has no specific ban on the use of stem cells from bear semen.
• Dolly the Sheep – Endless lamb chops! It’s like Jesus got ahold of the mutton after the fish and loaves trick.
• Rush Limbaugh – Surprise! Dittoheads were human cloning’s first victory. Also supports advances to have Percocet permanently implanted in his DNA.
• Nadya (Octumom) Suleman – Soon we’ll be subsidizing numers 17 – 92 – straight out of the petri dish.
• Wrecking Ball Report staff – See Elliot Spitzer above.

Obama reverses Bush stem cell restrictions