WreckingBallReport.com

So Congress has approved a 90 % tax on those controversial bonuses paid to taxpayer-owned pariah AIG, in a law that goes after about a half-dozen dickwads who may have helped collapse the global economy. But the move is also being criticized as an improper use of legislative powers that undercuts our system of contract law at best, and makes a mockery of the constitution by so  narrowly tailoring a law as to affect just a handful of scapegoats at worst.

We’ll let the legal scholars and punditocracy sort that one out later, for now we’re just excited about the precedent set here to use Congress as a tool to go after individuals or very specific groups of people that irritate us. In fact, here’s our list of over-reaching, possibly unconstitional payback laws we’d like to see next:

1. No trucks with Hemis, Duallys, or any “monster” accessories for guys that are already assholes.
2. Fuck that 90 % tax – Let’s legislate pink slips and possible lobotomies for financial regulators, irresponsible CEOs and lawmakers who destroy the world economy and then look for a reward.
3. Mandatory IUDs for anyone that has ever been referred to as “Octumom.”
4. Let’s get back to that Bush-era expansion of Presidential power by issuing an Executive Order that production of a new reality show chronicling Lindsay Lohan’s life behind bars commence immediately.
5. I’ve already asked my Senators to pass a law banning those five guys I smoked up with at Bonnaroo five years ago from “poking” or “sending me a plant” on Facebook.
6. All past and future episodes of Family Guy must first be approved by a Congressional committee on plotline oversight before air.
7. Can we somehow force Rush Limbaugh to make out with Al Franken? That’s entertainment for the whole family, right there.