North Korea Runs Out of Food, Launches Rocket Attack on Pacific Ocean
Kim Jong Il is the Gary Busey of global geopolitics. You never know where he’s coming from, and just when you think he’s finally dead, he does something totally crazy. And even though it’s pretty obvious he’s totally harmless and full of shit – he’s still just a little scary.
Case in point – North Korea is officially the most poor, crazy, backward place on earth outside of Africa or Wall Street. That place has no food, no purpose, no hope and they’ve been erecting some huge building for the last ten years that looks like the world’s ugliest penis. Hell, they’ve pretty much conquered and re-created a whole universe of crazy. So what next? Make the Ocean pay.
I mean, come on, we can’t really believe they’re trying to intimidate us or rattle some feathers with this rocket launch. That’s how we see the world, but it’s not how Kim Jong Il sees the world. This is a country whose national sport is pigeon droppings. No, that’s not a typo. So how can we really expect this man is masterminding a plan for anything beyond trying to catch the wind in a Jello mold? It’s pretty clear the dude is just pissed at the Pacific for standing in between him and, well, everything but China and the “other, prettier, bimbo Korea” (That’s what the sign says looking south from the North Korean side of the DMZ), so in typical Illin’ style, he’s firing off a warning shot. Next time he’s loading that rocket with um, termites or something else weird, we guess.
The real victims here of course are the North Korean people. It’s kind of like when your dad packs your lunch for school when he’s drunk and the next day you spend lunch trying to figure out what to do with a bag of dry rice and some White-Out.
It’s total bullshit, dudes, and we’re working on a way to help you jump-start your revolution, we just have to make sure that we won’t get Avian Flu from your national sport, first.
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back in ’06 the UN blew the whistle
and decided any shot was cool except missiles
Pyongyang tends to forget what was said
and recently threw a missile right over Japan’s head
and Japan called a timeout to avoid fighting
Obama came in and said “rules must be binding”
China and Russia said “you might be right
but that wasn’t a missile, that was just a satellite”
To listen to the song I wrote about this news story, visit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pT2qkITBHaE
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