WreckingBallReport.com

Brood on.

UPDATE: Kal’s Going from White Castle to the White House. Seriously, this time. (Click here)

Wow – must be a really slow news day.  All the buzz on the internet in the last few hours has centered around the death of Kal Penn, or at least the death of his character on “House.”

Within just a few hours, the speculation that Kal Penn the actor has actually died has already been clogging the Intertubes. The Hottest Trending searches on Google tonight? “Kal Penn Death,” and “did Kal Penn die,” among others.

Fortunately, some folks who have experienced life in the real human-based world in the last decade have pointed out that Fox would have to be filled with heartless automatons looking to invite the full force of the public’s rage and litigious habits to kill Penn’s actor after he himself died. OK, so it’s not that far-fetched…

But…  – the fucking show’s not filmed live! You would have known months ago if the world had gone sans Kumar!

So just to clear things up, here’s the five most likely reasons that the character of Lawrence Kutner is no more:

1. Kal Penn has locked himself in his room until he completes his “masterwork” – a Flash slide show of every photo ever taken of Michelle Obama. Oh, wait, that’s us.
2. Token Indian actors are so 2006 – the metrics say it’s time for an ethnicity with a little more edge. Look for an Afghani character played by Hamid Karzai to fill the void on the show after his current gig playing a competent leader fizzles.
3. Dad realized he was just playing a doctor on TV.
4. Kirk Cameron changed his mind about the role.
5. It doesn’t really matter what we write here, so long as this list ends with these two words: White Castle.