WreckingBallReport.com

Has anyone else noticed that the Earth is acting like a spoiled toddler lately to try and get our attention?  We first noticed this trend a couple of weeks ago when Mount Redoubt in Alaska first erupted, but now it’s getting a little out of hand.

Look, Earth – we can understand you’re a little upset that we’ve spending more time with the economy these days than talking about your unending Climate Change issues. I mean, we’re sorry, but it’s just an awkward phase you’re going through – too bad you feel a need to drag us along for the ride. But we’ve been there for you so far, haven’t we?  Do you know how much we had to spend on that damn Prius in the driveway? And we’re not anywhere near making up the difference in gas savings now like the promised.

Look, we’re sorry Michelle Obama’s been getting more attention than you this past week, but did you see her outfit in France?  I mean, come on, can’t we stop talking about your shrinking North Pole for five seconds to appreciate an Icon in the making? Anyway, we’re pretty sure there were some dudes somewhere in Sweden talking about Climate Change last week. It was on Discovery Channel or something.

Yet despite our best efforts, you continue to throw your tantrums, scaring the shit out of people in Alaska, and now you’re actually killing people in Italy.

Haven’t we always told you “you’re a big boy, you’ve got to be careful, you can’t just throw you’re weight around, people can get hurt. “  Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if you actually took your medication like you’re supposed to instead of saving it and later hiding it along the Mexican border. Oh, yea, we know all about it.

We’re beginning to think we should get one of those planet-sized child leashes and hook it to the space station to keep a handle on you,  you little punk.

Of course, I’m sure you think it’s all our fault, right? Well, we’re sorry, we’re not perfect people.

Come to think of it, aren’t you supposed to the parental figure in this horribly mixed metaphor? I mean, what happened to that Mother Earth shit? Shouldn’t you be taking care of us, no matter how much we fuck up? We ought to turn you in for Child Abuse.

Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got to go get more sandbags ready for Fargo, just in case you decide to have another meltdown…

What do you mean it’s insensitive to use that word? Oh for Chrissakes, piss off! Hey, what’s that shaking?

Google Trends: Apr 6, 2009.