WreckingBallReport.com

God was right about you, you filthy animal.

Look folks, it’s still allergy season, so if you’ve got the sniffles, you’re more likely to need another Claritin (or a little less nose candy – I’m looking at you, Biden offspring) than to be quarantined for fear of the suddenly terrifying Swine Flu.

In the last 48 Hours, the headlines have been remarkably dramatic, with declarations of a federal health emergency, potential for a “worldwide pandemic” and the cancellation of the North American Man-Pork Love Association’s annual picnic and luau.

Here’s the facts so far:

• Yes, it’s true that over 80 people have died of the disease in Mexico, and Mexico City currently looks like the set of I Am Legend, but this is still Mexico that we’re talking about – a place not exactly known for its ability to handle any crisis and a country where it wouldn’t be unusual to find a pig in the kitchen.
• Yes, the virus has crossed the border and turned up in Texas, Kansas and California – but all those folks are being treated and seem to be doing fine, there have been no deaths. Those naughty salmonella peanuts were far scarier.
• It does look like those eight school kids in NY also have the flu, but again they’re doing fine. Although this urban case did cause a bit of a freak-out in the federal government,  they’re a little on edge in Washington these days.
• Sure, it could be the apocalypse. Anything could be these days. But the good news is that as we all begin stockpiling supplies in an irrational fit of mass hysteria, it should be just the jolt of consumer spending that our economy needs to turn around so we can all afford to throw a rockin’ end-times party.