WreckingBallReport.com

Here’s what’s buzzing with the scariest flu pandemic scare in a century involving a virus that only seems to actually be scary if you live in Mexico.

• Swine Flu spreads to Israel, prompting officials there to declare that it should be called “Mexico flu” since swine aren’t kosher. Classy. Does Torah tell us anything about whether or not influenza is kosher? Maybe we should call it “Acapulco Snotty Coughy Death Monster” … Oh, wait, that’s actually the name of that badass sack of weed we got last month.
• The Virus has also been reported in New Zealand, prompting local Hobbits to run for the hills to seek the assistance and cover massive talking trees. Sorry, that’s all we’ve got for New Zealand…
• A San Antonio school district closed its doors for at least a week after a few students were suspected of carrying the virus. You heard it here first kids – if you wanna get out of school – stop washing your hands, and make out with everyone! Especially the new kids from New York or Texas, and any of the Garcia brothers.