WreckingBallReport.com

Yum! Humility!

As the global economy continues to take a leisurely Sunday drive into a bottomless pit of misery, the number of Americans on Food Stamps is now over one in 10. And with the price of a stamp going up to 44 cents this month, the Postal Service is commemorating this important milestone in the history of free market economics by honoring food stamps on its latest set of postage stamps. The new postage stamps will look exactly like old-school food stamps, except of course that they cannot be redeemed for food, and low-income residents could face possible prosecution and arrest for trying to use the food stamp postage stamps as food stamp food stamps. Postal Service officials point out that, on the up side, incarceration comes with free meals.

Officials also say the stamps will be edible, but have not been evaluated by the FDA, and some adhesives have been found to cause cancer or death in sitcom characters.

As for those “Forever stamps” that aren’t subject to the price increase, officials confirm that both the stamps and the gumballs bought with the two cents they save – still taste like shit.