Palin’s Path to the Presidency… or Prison… or Primetime? (LIST!)
Welcome back to the flip-flopping Michael Jackson/Sarah Palin news cycle, kids! Health care hurts my head, and my insurance company won’t cover a refill on my Xanax – so thank god for people in positions of power with absolutely no common sense whatsoever to keep us all entertained!
Seems the old Revlon Pit Bull used her position as guvvy to help create a fund to pay some of her legal bills. Probably the least exciting Palin headline of the last 12 Sarah-ndipitous months, but it’s still a little gooey coming on the heels of her Favre-like “I’m quitting cuz I ain’t a quitter move earlier this month.”
But it got me thinking – what awesome headlines are still to come from the Great Northern Tardnado? Here’s some best guesses, maybe even wishful dreams…
- PALIN STRIPPED OF ’84 MISS WASILLA CROWN: ‘SECOND SHOOTER’ IN MOOSE HUNTING TALENT COMPETITION STEPS FORWARD -
- PALIN CAUGHT BREAKING AND ENTERING; MCCAIN COMPOUND FOUND LITTERED WITH CAMPAIGN ’08 SCRAPBOOKS, TEARS -
- PALIN ATTEMPTS TO USE ‘TARP’ MONIES FOR HER LEGAL DEFENSE FUND BY DRAWING BENJAMIN FRANKLIN ON 3,000 PIECES OF 8X10 CANVAS -
-PALIN LANDS OPEN SPOT ON ‘THE VIEW,’ SINGLE-HANDEDLY SAVES NETWORK TELEVISION; WHOOPI GOLDBERG SETS GUINNESS RECORD FOR MOST BLEEPS IN AN HOUR-LONG PROGRAM -
- (INSERT FAMILY MEMBER FIRST NAME) PALIN SELECTED FOR 2016 PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR -
- PALIN DEFEATS TINA FEY IN MUD WRESTLING COMPETITION; AMERICANS OF ALL AGES, SOCIOECONOMIC STATUS, RELIGIONS AND POLITICAL PERSUASIONS MASTURBATE IN UNPRECEDENTED SHOWING OF SOLITARY UNITY -
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