Previewing the Epic Sotomayor / Scalia Throwdowns to Come
If there’s one thing our Supreme Court is best known for, it’s the zingers! Trust me – Clarence Thomas has perfected the use of ‘that’s what she said.’
How do you think Justice Byron White got the nickname “Whizzer?” Apparently Chief Justice William Brennan had this great impression of the plaintiff in 1973′s Frontiero v. Richardson that made White piss his robe around the water cooler one day – Brennan greeted him as ‘Whizzer’ every day from then on! Those crazy kids!
But now that it looks like Sonia Sotomayor is on her way to confirmation by the Senate, get ready for some serious throw-downs! Here’s a preview of some of the daily banter we can expect between a newly seated Justice Sotomayor and her ideological opposite and trash-talking nemesis Antonin Scalia, as well as the rest of the gang on the daily lunchtime run to Quizno’s.
Scalia – I call shotgun! Sonia, you can be sitting bitch, I mean, you can sit bitch.
Roberts – OH, damn son! That’s right – you jus’ got served girl!
Sotomayor – Is that the same shotgun you use to go hunting with your buddy Dicky C.? Hey, that reminds me, doesn’t old white man’s face hunting season open tomorrow in Wyoming? Better get this order to go, boy!
Bader Ginsberg – WHOOMP! You go girl!
Scalia – That’s funny, I thought you were going to be taking my order – aren’t we heading to your second job where you work for extra cash to send back to Kingston or wherever?
Sotomayor – Old man – you are out your mind! You got your Ziggy Marley all mixed up with your J-Lo or somethin’ I don’t even know! Maybe you’d be better sticking with your own times, fool! Why don’t you go home and cuddle up with Aaron Burr’s bones and clean your musket, or however it is you do to masturbate these days.
Thomas – Oh no she did-n’t!
Kennedy – Oh yes she did – hell yes, hella yes So-So!
Bader Ginsberg: Yo Yo yo. Yo! – Everyone jus’ chill for a minute. Jus’ chil a-ight? Yo, Ant – what’s up bro, don’t cry dog. You know she’s jus’ playin’ playa!
Scalia (sniffling): I know – it’s not that…. It’s… It’s just… She’s right. I am old – and I just feel sorry for all the guys that are as old as me but don’t have the sweet moves that made it so easy for me to bang her mom all last night. It’s just like a big obligation to have to keep all those island mamas satisfied. It’s just so hard, you know…
Thomas – That’s what she said! Yea, Antonin, my brosef!
Sotomayor – Oh my god – I’m sooo out of here.
Scalia – Later, Wise Latina SoSoMyWhore – pick me up some Chipotle! Peace, bee-atch!
Loading...
Recent Comments